Thank you for stopping by, I hope you enjoy your visit and leave with a smile! Love Thea x

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Who am I ?...

Mum and Dads wedding 1948
I have always known I was adopted as a baby..I remember being told by my Mother that it was special and that she and my Daddy had chosen me,
So I grew up with this vision that I had been bought in some kind of baby supermarket !!
I had a happy childhood until my darling Daddy died ( I was 7 yrs old) and then the light went out of my life, my Mother obviously distraught and very sad never really got over her loss, and it affected my relationship with her, she showed me little love and affection , but I just accepted my lot and got on with my life. I also had an older brother (also adopted) who I did not have much in common with but my Mother adored him,

 I look back and I cannot say I was an unhappy child just a little confused at times, I shall not dwell on the dark days or think about how I was treated, because I am who I am today because of her.
This picture reminds me of my ballet lessons

Mum died in 2000 age 85 she was quite an old Mum ( all my friends thought she was my Granny)
I looked after her the best I could, she had Alzheimer's and was quite confused most of the time but was adamant she was going to stay in her own home. It was not the best option,  but with help from me and two lovely carers we managed make her comfortable  ( my brother was far to busy)

A few days after Mum had passed away Jose (one of Mum's carers) called in to see me, we sat on my sofa with a cup of tea and I told her that I was not sure if I had ever loved my Mum, I cared for her and always looked after her but was not sure I had ever loved her, Jose looked me in the eyes and said "you could not have done any more for her, but "love" has to be earned and I don't think she had earned it" and she hugged me

I will always remember Jose such a kind and caring lady, and of course I have mixed memories of my Mum but I will always be grateful that she kept me from ending up in a children's home and I think she did " her" best.

Yes I have thought about finding my birth Mother and I do know a little about her. She was young, only 17 when she had me ( she worked in a shoe shop) is that why I love shoes he he!, but as the years pass by I feel less and less inclined to look..
Our cottage in Cornwall


I did get a shock a few years ago when I was living in Cornwall..I had a phone call from a lady looking for J W  I was so taken back as no one had ever called me by that name, J W was my birth name ..I had a short conversation with her, but she did not tell me who she was or what she wanted, I asked her if she knew my Father's name, she said she did not know his name but that he was a Norwegian sailor, and that he had fallen in love with my Mother and wanted her to return to Norway with him..well I nearly fainted I could not take it all in..
So now I have more questions than answers.who was this lady,  am I half  Norwegian , did my Father ever know I existed..

Well I am very happy now I have a wonderful husband.. beautiful children and grandchildren who I shall never stop loving...
from my precious children x
But I would like to visit Norway one day just to see if I have a connection

Thea xx

I hope you don't mind me putting my thoughts and memories into word , but it seems right today

39 comments:

  1. A beautiful post Thea. I think it must've been difficult to write something like this ... so full of longing to be loved. Everyone needs to be loved at some level. Despite how you and your mother felt towards each other, it was still a loving thing you did to care for your mother as you did. Who knows if it was maybe difficult for her to express her feelings towards you, and I wonder what her own childhood had been like to make her the woman she was. I'm happy for you to now have your own large family and that you can share your affection for them all and receive it back from them in return. Your childhood has been rewarded in the end. I wish you peace with accepting who you are (your children and grandchildren seem to know very well who you are!), and that you can be content with maybe never discovering the whole story of your parentage. Happy Mother's Day to you. Wendy

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    1. Thank you Wendy
      Your words are so lovely, yes I feel so lucky now I am loved that nothing else matters
      Happy Mothers Day to you too!
      Thea x

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  2. Теа, так трогательно и проникновенно написали. Пусть ваша мечта поехать в Норвегию осуществиться. Я, думаю, вы были хорошей дочерью для своей матери. Счастья вам!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, yes perhaps I will get to visit Norway one day
      Thea x

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  3. A touching post. I was not adopted, but my mother showed me very little affection for some reason. I think my parents had a very difficult relationship - and I was 'in the middle' of their anger. When I went away to Uni I seemed to 'find myself' and blossom and now I have a brilliant relationship with my 3 daughters and all the grandchildren. I instinctively love them and show them lots of affection. A bit of a lost childhood, but I don't dwell on it. I feel life's for living now. X

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    1. Yes you are so right, all that happened in the past stays in the past,
      I have such a lovely life and relationship with my "babies" ..I must admit before I had them I did wonder If I would be able to love them enough, but I need not have worried because I didn't have to try!
      Happy Mothers Day
      Thea x

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  4. What wise words Jose gave you, I'm glad you have found some peace in putting the past behind you and enjoying your lovely family.
    Sarah x

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    1. Hello Sarah
      Yes she was such a lovely lady, I always try to look for a little bit of good in people, and love my life now, thank you for your words
      Thea x

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  5. lovely post! and a very special post too about the thing you care and love the most of all familly thank you to share this special memories with us all
    leon10

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, I was always determined to show my little family love, and its not difficult at all
      Thea x

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  6. Dear Thea,

    What a sweet lady you are to have taken such good care of your mother!! She was very lucky to have you as her daughter!

    Hope you will find your Norwegian father one day.

    Have a lovely Mother's day evening :-)

    Madelief x

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    1. Thank you Madelief, you are very kind..
      Happy Mothers Day to you too!
      Thea x

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  7. Thea, this makes me want to hug you. I'm glad you have found happiness and you are close to your family now.
    I wonder who the lady was who phoned you? There were a lot of young girls who didn't have very much choice back then. She may not have wanted to give you up, she may have thought you would have had a better life.
    The fact that you cared for your adoptive Mum, despite how she treated you, shows what a very special person you are :) x

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    1. Thank you for your hug and lovely words,
      Yes times were very different then, I do not know who was on the other end of the phone that day, I know my birth mother had a sister so I wondered If it was her, but I am only guessing
      Happy Mothers Day
      Thea x

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  8. Comunque sia stata la tua infanzia,l'importante è che sei sopravvissuta e hai creato una bella famiglia tua!Ti auguro tanta felicità,la meriti!Baci,Rosetta

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    1. Thank you Rosetta
      Yes I am me now and I love my little Family very much
      Thea x

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  9. Thank you for warm kind words, yes I am sure you are right, times were very different then..
    Happy Mothers Day
    Thea x

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  10. Happy Mothers Day Thea.

    How difficult to have carried this sadness with you for so long. But as the saying goes " everything shapes us - embrace the journey' . This is just what you did. Caring for your mother was so selfless- you could have been to busy too! And look what a wonderful mum you have turned out to be.

    So delighted that you are now so happy in your life. Your sweetness comes across in all your posts. I found out recently that my great grand father was from Norway!,

    Sleep tight and God Bless.

    Love Portia xxx

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Portia, you have made me blush again...
      I love being Mum! and all that comes with it....

      With love from one viking to another
      Thea x

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  11. Thankyou for writing this special insight into your life. I could relate to a lot of what you said. What Jose said is very true. It kind of put things into perspective for me.
    I think the person who called may well have been your birth mother. There are so many unanswered questions, but tracing biological relatives can have pros and cons. I think keeping the book closed is not always a bad option. I had a few difficulties with my birth family when I traced them. I think in the end the family and friends that you make allow you to build your own world and there is a kind of freedom in that.
    We can't change the past and I understand what you mean about it making you into who you are. I think it has made you into a very kind person who has a lot of love for their children and grandchildren.
    Weirdly enough, I have always been a bit fascinated by Norway! I am from West Yorkshire and a lot of places there have Nordic names. Maybe some of their culture is still sort of there and we take it in subconsciously.
    This post brought a tear to my eye, but it also gave me so a warm feeling of hope and happiness.
    xxx

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    1. Hello Tracy
      I thought of you often when I first read about your family..I know you know about the hurt and rejection but we also know the love and joy of life now,
      thank you for your heartfelt words,
      Standing together
      Thea x

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  12. In answer to your question "who am I?", you're a lovely, kind, beautiful, lady with a family who love her so much ... the past is gone, but the way you looked after your Mum shows how caring you are. This is a beautiful post, Thea, and must have been difficult for you to write ... on Mother's Day, when all we usually see is 'perfection' there is another side, and thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

    So glad there is a happy ending.

    Love from Claire xxx

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    1. Oh Claire
      You say such lovely words, thank you my friend
      Yes it was a difficult to write, but I felt I just needed to explain my life before I carried on with my blog, I am back on track now
      Thank you again
      Thea x

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  13. I have only just come across your blog, but I wonder if you are feeling a little less burdened now that you have written your story down - it can be very therapeutic.
    I would urge you to visit Norway if possible - a country that I love. My eldest son has been living there with his family for the past 5 years. I am sure that you would enjoy the beautiful countryside, and may be even get more of a sense of who you are. Take care.

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    1. Hello Rosemary
      Thank you for finding me you are very welcome
      thank you for you kind words
      yes I would love to visit Norway one day, it sounds wonderful, but alas very expensive!
      Thea x

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  14. Gosh what a sad but lovely story, it made me cry and then made me smile for you. You have the most pretty blog full of joy and light, thank you so much for sharing.
    Hugs Lynn xxx

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    1. Hello Lynn
      Thank you for your heartfelt words
      Special wishes
      Thea x

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  15. Dear Thea, I echo every ones comments and have read and reread your post since returning home from Birmingham...This post made me smile and cry also! Bless you and your dear family...You may or may not find that missing piece to fit that puzzle , but you are the most caring and treasured Mum and that's all down to YOU!~ Because you learnt this with out being shown ,my friend! With the kindest thoughts and blessings....I WISH you a belated Mothers Day greeting...Love Maria x Thank you for always being the loveliest friend on here too...

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    1. Hello Maria
      Thank you my dear friend for your kind words..I was a tiny bit lost but I have since found myself and yes you are so right, if a piece of my past is missing then I shall just have to make a new bit!
      Sounds like you have had a special weekend
      Thank you again for just being you
      Thea x

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  16. Dear Thea,
    A very poignant post, beautifully written. It must be so hard with so many questions unanswered but a trip to Norway may unlock a few doors. Wise words from Jose.
    June

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    1. Hello June
      Thank you, yes Jose was a very special kind and caring soul.
      Norway is on my list and hopefully I shall visit one day
      Thea x

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  17. Thea, this post was so touching. I want so much to hug that little girl and tell her how much love she will have one day. This must have been very hard to write and I admire your taking care of your Mum. It's not easy, sometimes, to deal with someone who doesn't return our love but you did. Please know that you are loved in blogland. Sending you hugs and love.

    Hugs,
    Sharon

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    1. Ahh thank you Sharon
      you are so very kind, I feel very humbled by your words
      All hugs accepted
      Thea x

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  18. Dear Thea,

    I am deeply touched by this honest, generous post. It raises many thoughts within me about parenting and childhood love - not connected with my past - and I would dearly like to sit and chat with you over a cup of coffee.

    Keep warm and cosy during the last throws of winter.

    Stephanie

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    1. Hello Stephanie
      Thank you for your words, yes that would be special to share thoughts over coffee, I shall put the kettle on !
      The sad thing was that I had so much love to give as a child but did not know what to do with it..but I do now, so thank you again,
      yes I has turned colder again, I long for the spring ( I hope she is on her way soon)
      Thea x

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  19. Hi Thea - what a heartfelt post. I am so sorry that you had such a difficult time with your mother. It makes me feel very sad for you. Jose's words are so true - love does has to be earned; it cannot be just taken, it has to be shared. I am pleased that you have found so much love with your husband and children.
    You must have felt very shocked to have received the phone call about your birth mother; maybe it was her calling. I think I would have to make contact as I hate unknowns.
    I have Norwegian blood in my ancestry but I have hit a wall as to how it joined my family. I would love to find this out also.
    With Love, Lily. xxx

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  20. Thank you Lily
    Your words are very kind..I hope you find your missing link one day
    Thea x

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  21. {{Thea}} My heart went out to you when I read this post. In truth I hardly know what to say; please know that you are in my thoughts. Best wishes, Pj x

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    1. Thank you Pj
      Sometimes the less said means the most..
      Bless you
      Thea x

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Thank for your lovely messages they make my day,Thea x